I just can’t stress enough how much fun I had saturday night at the wedding. It was more fun than I should be allowed. I don’t even know where to start. How about my duties as an usher? At first I thought it was going to be a cake job. But after it’s all said and done I’ve decided it’s a lot easier being a groomsman. They just have to stand up there. The usher has to deal with the people. Seating them as they come in. It’s a lot of pressure. I worried the entire time if I was doing everything the way it was supposed to be done. It’s all confusing having to remember which mother you have to seat first and then which one gets brought out last.
And the whole ordeal of this thing called the runner. The runner is that thing the bride walks down when it’s show time. Well the ushers had to pull this damn thing out right before the bride made her walk. This thing was pinned down at the altar and in theory me and the other usher were supposed to just pull this thing down the isle. Of course as we started to pull the runner one side gets unpinned. So Karsteadt (the other usher) stands on the end by the altar and I start to try to pull this damn thing out. The cord I used to pull it as it turned out was all wrapped around itself. So here I am trying to yank this bastard without ripping it off so the bride could do her business. I was sweating like a pig as I worried if this thing would get ripped off as I pulled it. And everybody was focused on me, at least thats how it felt as I tried to get the damn runner down the isle.
After that it was all fun. The reception was a blast and we all boozed it up. Kevin (the lucky groom) beat out Tanya (the beautiful bride) when it came time for the dollar dance. He won because they charged any guy that danced with him five bucks. And of course Troy, me, and Karsteadt all paid five bucks to dance with Kevin. I consider it a good purchase. The pictures below show me and Karsteadt dancing with Kevin:
So as you can tell form these pictures we were all well on our way. And it was some of the little things that made me laugh the most. I was standing in the bathroom at one point and Mr. Rindfliesch (Kevin’s dad) had been doing his business and I flashed back to something from a long time ago that just about made me cry from laughing so hard. Quite a few years ago for one reason or another I had been looking for Kevin. I don’t remember why. So I called his parents house a few times. And this was just a little after bartime. By the third or forth call I was told by Kevin’s dad that if I called again he was going to call the cops and report me for phone harassment. After that incident I had always been more than a little scared of Kevin’s dad. It was a lot of fun to spend the evening drinking with him. He isn’t as scary as I had imagined. In fact he pretty damn cool.
And there were many little things about the evening that I enjoyed. Meeting all of the relatives of both Kevin and Tanya, giving Karsteadt shit about being a Barry Manilow fan, doing some Sinatra tunes at karaoke, and telling Kevin’s mom and dad all about the exploits of their son when he worked at the hotel. Yep all in all it was a great night.
And one final thought before I finish up. Whoever it is that makes the shoes that come with tuxes should tortured very badly. The shoes I got were a size fourteen and any other time this size shoe should fit no problem. But these bastards were tight as hell. By the time I was finally able to take those things off my feet were killing me. In the morning when I finally got up and out of the tux I saw that my feet were red and slightly swelled up from these shoes. My little pinky toe on my left foot even had a nasty looking welt on it. Over a day later my feet still hurt. But it was well worth it for all the fun I had.
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