I’m a non smoker now. I have been one since April 1st. That’s four whole months I’ve been clean. I’ve written about quitting smoking more times than I care to recall. I’ve always failed at quiting smoking more times than I care to recall. The notion that the one had something to do with the other did pop into my head. Perhaps writing about it jinxed the act I’ve thought to myself in the past when I’ve made these attempts.
It’s also worth mentioning that up until four months ago I never really wanted to quit. Wanting to quit is the key. Really wanting to quit. Finding that reason that makes you want to quit. Whatever it may be, you need to find something that makes you want to quit smoking. At least that’s how I see it. I was able to find out that thing that made me want to quit. I can’t tell you how to quit. I won’t even offer advice on how to do it. Just find that thing that makes you quit.
For me finding that thing wasn’t easy. It was my niece that found it for me. I was over at my friends house playing with the kids and my niece asked why my fingers were the wrong color. The thing that shocked me the most was that I had never noticed it. Sure I knew this kind of thing could happen. But to actually see my fingertips turn this gross nicotine color was more than enough to freak me out. I had never seen the effects smoking had on me. Sure theres that cancer thing, but I can’t see inside myself so it’s not something that I loose sleep over.
Which is funny when I think about it. The thought of dying from cancer was not enough to make me quit smoking. Nor did the coughing and hacking that comes with smoking seem to motivate me to quit. I guess vanity goes a long way. The thought of jinxing myself by writing about quiting smoking on my website has really grabbed hold of me. After each month that passed I either thought about writing something or posted something and then later deleted it. I feel rather confident in posting this. There is a finality of this time that all the others have lacked.
There are some good things of course about quiting. As there are some bad things about quiting. The good of course is that I feel so much better. I just can’t stress that enough. Not sure really how to explain it more than that. The negatives far outweigh the good I’m afraid to say. Since quiting smoking I have effectively become a hermit. I don’t go out anymore. I go to work and then back home. Whatever meager social life I had has died a painful death. The thought of going out now scares me. The fear of starting smoking again has made me fear going out. Of course not going out to the bars is something I’m willing to sacrifice when it comes down to it. So of course now it just remains to be seen if this post jinxed me or not. So far so good.
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