I have to say I was very surprised to find out I actually liked playing You don’t know Jack. Me the guy who only enjoys computer games where the main objective is to kill someone. The experience was very interesting. For one the host of the game was a real smart ass. Its something I can’t describe properly, all I can say is go and get it for your self. Go to www.youdontknowjack.com and find out what its all about. The only other thing I have to say is I can’t believe my good friends Ericka and Sergei screwed me like that.

I spared Sergei yesterday by not talking about Sunday’s X-Files episode. But, alas I can’t continue this. I’m looking forward to this episode coming up. And yes I do know that I’m a geek. Anyway this episode coming up Mulder and Scully act as Husband and wife for a case. I think it will be funny. And get this, their names will be Rob and Laura. Very funny. And for those of you who don’t get it. Its homage to the Dick Van Dyke Show. Welcome to Hell, suburban style! In a subdivision where the neighbors really go overboard keeping the place neat and tidy. Two words … garbage monsters. So check out the X-Files Sunday at 8:00pm.

And I hate to get off the subject of the X-Files. I just might have a job. I have a resume now, so area business look out. You may not know this about me, but I really hate resume’s. The idea that one piece of paper can give a person the correct look at my talents and abilities is utter bullshit. But, it seems to get a job one must have one of these damned things. When I feel a little more motivated I will put up my “resume” for everyone to have a laugh at.

A few random thoughts. Ok I lied there not so random. I was digging through my Dads library again and found a book I bought him that really pertains to my “struggle” with the Fascists who fired me. In fact there is a certain passage in the book that really made perfect sense.

The book is called American Aurora. Its a story of a newspaper called the Philadelphia Aurora. Circa 1798. This is a paper that may or may not directly brought about the Sedition Act of 1798:

That if any person shall write, print, utter. Or publish, or shall cause or procure to be written, printed, uttered or published, or shall knowingly and willingly assist or aid in writing, printing, uttering or publishing any false, scandalous and malicious writing or writings against the government of the United States, or either house of the Congress of the United States, or the President of the United States..then such person, being thereof convicted before any court of the United States having jurisdiction thereof, shall be punished by a fine not exceeding two thousand dollars, and by imprisonment not exceeding two years.

And this coming seven years after the drafting of the Bill Of Rights. Any way, Here it is. This is what I thought really makes sense for anything related to a printed medium. Be it paper or on the net.

Being frequently censur’d and condemn’d by different Persons for printing Things which they say ought not be printed, I have sometimes thought it might be necessary to make a standing Apology for myself and publish it once a Year to be read upon all Occasions of that Nature…
I request all who are angry with me on Account of printing things they don’t like calmly to consider these following Particulars

1. That the Opinions of Men are almost as various as their faces…

2. That the Business of Printing has chiefly to do with Men’s Opinions; most things that are printed tending to promote some, or opposite others…

4. That it is unreasonable in any one Man or Set of Men to expect to be pleas’d with every thing that is printed…

5. Printers are educated in the Belief that when Men differ in Opinions, both Sides ought equally to have the Advantage of being heard by the Publick; and that when Truth and Error have fair Play, the former is always an overmatch for the latter…

8. That if all Printers were determin’d not to print anything till they were sure it would offend nobody, there would be very little printed…

Dr. Benjamin Franklin, Editor,

The Pennsylvania Gazette, 1729-1748

Enough of me pretending to be smart. This was all a joke. Ignore it. really I mean it. Don’t maybe think about what this guy said. Who cares if it is Benjamin Franklin. Doesn’t matter. Pointless for me to hope this would click with anyone. I am a bad boy!!!

And for something completely different… Tonight’s X-Files was a hoot. It was funny. This would have been a perfect episode for Sergei to become an X-Files geek like me. Come to us Sergie. Don’t be afraid. Sorry I had to lighten the mood around here after all this historical stuff.

In what seems like a never ending run of stupefying plots on a day time soap, it gets weirder and weirder here at the website. I got rather happy one night and wrote about one of my good friends (opposed to bad friends) offended(?) one of my readers. I won’t put the whole thing up because it’s boring. But there was a bit that caught someone’s eye:

Hey Buddy! Well I was just showing my little brother your website. Thought I would say hi at least. Talk to you later.

In example of the women that are spoken for I present exhibit A (above). It’s the kind of thing you wish something’s were different. Me being Me, I can’t wish that the people that are lucky enough to have these rare gems to give them up for me. Back to this bud of mine. This women I must confess in my drunkenness is quite amazing. She is smart. She has a very easy personality to get a long with. And she is beautiful. Of course you must say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. To me she is beauty incarnate. What do I know? So this bud of mine is afraid(?) to embrace what he has. My advice to him is go for it. What a pussy. He is obviously happy with this women. So why do we as men fight this happiness? I don’t get it. Me I can’t get over one women. I feel this is god way of punishing me by throwing all of these marvelous women at me. Never being able to be anything more than friends. Oh shit, I let you in to more than you need or want to know. Whoops. that damn booze.

Well because of this rather drunken bit of merriment on my part I received the following E-mail:

Turk
What the hell are you talking about? What was the whole in your drunkenness writing about? Are you trying to suggest that you have feelings for me? I just wanted to show my little brother the site and you send back this e-mail. What are you really thinking about. It is O.K. you can tell me. I will erase this e-mail before my boyfriend ever gets a chance to read it. I really want to know what is going on in your situation and in your life. Did you go looking for me the other night or was that A different friend? I just have so many questions for you. who is this other friend that you speak of? Why do you view me as the greatest thing since sliced bread? I would appreciate and e-mail so time soon explaining what you really meant in you writing. Do you think about me often? Just explain yourself! Well I have to go do laundry so don’t send any e-mail until after 10:00 tonight. I’ll find time to read it.

Your Buddy,

E____

So later talking to E____ I find out the e-mail didn’t come from her. Weird eh? I’m getting ahead of my self. So I send the following testimonial thinking I was talking to the women:

No. No. Jesus. You don’t take a compliment very well. Women. I have to stop drinking.
I don’t have feelings for you other than you are a friend. You were just an example. Sorry. I am jealous of anyone who has that special someone. Its a trait of the lonely to be jealous of those that have something that the lonely does not. For one thing I consider S____ a Friend. I would not do anything to jeopardize our friendship. Whether he thinks of me as a friend or not. Men should never let women come between us. As should your friends that are girls should not be brought between you and S____. To me friends are important. I think all of my friends women or men are “the greatest thing since sliced bread.”

You see me and K____ were the only two single guys that I know. He has gotten over his old love, harpy numero ono. I just felt that maybe I could try to let go of my lost love of my life. Who happens to be harpy number seven. All I’m saying is that I hope when I have the chance to find a women that she be like the women my friends have. I can’t explain it. I have lived a bachelor since the end of my senior year of high school.

Since most of my friends are married, and know that one of them has a kid I feel as if time is running fast. And I mean really fast. I just want what they have. Men are very competitive. Another of my close high school buds, he always try’s to keep up with T___. When he heard T___ was getting married, he got him a women and married her before T___ got to marry B____. T___ has a kid, know he has knocked up his wife. Competition. I always say that I’m not trying to compete with T___ or my other friends. Yet I feel like I’m falling behind in some race. But that is my own personal troubles.

So in closing, I do not go after women who are spoken for. One of these days I might attempt the dating thing. I don’t know if I’m ready for that. In K____ I saw how he has forgotten his past. Me I just have a harder time shelving the past.

And if S____ reads this first, I don’t have feelings for her other than she is a friend. If this simple statement is not good enough again I say If this does not answer your questions, let me assure you that I will never speak of it again. End of subject. [I lied.-Ed]

Even more drastic because I want to make my self really clear. I want to be crystal clear here. If this pisses off anyone I can forget you guys phone number. I will erase your e-mail address and I remove all reference to you, her, S____ or other wise. This if you are kosher with what I have said the above can be ignored. Yet if you even have a doubt about who I am or what I represent as friends, I am willing to do this to keep you two happy with each other. I remember the last time S____ was pissed at me and I do not want a repeat. I am not in the mood. I am not content with my station in life, and I can’t, and won’t explain it better than this.

So what I want to understand is why the subterfuge and send the e-mail as his girlfriend? If you have a problem why not talk to me about it? That’s all I want. So I have hung out at the hotel bar because it is close to where I live. And that I still have a few friends down there. Yet when I see the angry(?) boyfriend he does not talk to me. I just want to understand what is happening. And I realize this all may seem to personal to anyone who reads this on a casual basis. To you I say to bad. Its my website I write what I want.

The wise all knowing Jose Arcadio Buendia checked in and had this to comment on the situation:

Today we will talk about irony. I guess the hotel and you have an ironic bond. The place you hated for so long is now your social hang-out. I guess that’s like what they say about women “Can’t live with them; can’t live without them.”

For the record Jose, I did not hate the hotel. I hated the way the hotel has become. I have had many fun times at that hotel. To many in fact to list. And to this day I miss that goddamned place. I left behind a few comrades who still suffer at that place as it is today. Here is my quote marks quote “Know thy enemy.” You can take that any way you want. Just have knowledge in the subject matter before you make your judgments.

Turk, I’m about fed up with hearing it. Yeah that’s right that e-mail did come from me just to test you. However, I don’t appreciate you writing stupid shit when your drunk. I am sorry you are so damn lonely but I am fucking sick of your pity parties. You have to take the initiative to change your life, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO GAIN PITY OVER YOUR GOD DAMN WEB SITE. So let the soap opera end and quit living in the past. I am not upset by what your page originally said however I do view it as a rather pathetic attempt to gain sympathy. Remember I don’t want your hints on how to run a relationships; I have had quite a few and I know what I have. That would be like Me trying to tell a professional basketball coach how to coach his team. That’s crazy. He has more experience and would tell me to get lost. So To clear it up I know what I am doing and I am sick of your pathetic sympathy gaining articles. Your the only one who can change this existence that you presently have. You have to quit feeling sorry for yourself and get out into the “Real World” where the good guys don’t win and where life isn’t fair. That is why I thought you would like One Hundred Years of Solitude BECAUSE IT EXPLAINS LIFELONG SOLITUDE FOR EACH OF THE Buendias. So I am not the one who needs to grow up. Despite what you say you support and condone Pete’s response because you put it on the net to get a response from me. In closing I am the more grown up one. I have my life established, I posses a bright future, I am Employed, and I have a girlfriend. Why? because I took the God damn initiative to get off my ass and do something instead of feeling sorry for myself. I don’t care if this pisses you off hopefully it will inspire you. But have no doubts about who the true adult really is. I think I proved that point.

Ok, it’s been a while so I have some catching up to do. Our good friend Sergei has sent along a hilarious wav file that had me rolling on the ground in laughter. The wav is all about the word fuck. Before I get to the links to the wav, I would like to say I already think along these lines. On Sept 26 1998 I wrote a bit called “Proper Usage Of The Word Fuck“.

I broke the file down a tad because it originally weighed in at 1.14mb. I have broke it down into four chunks. I can’t tell you in words how much you will will like this. It’s something that has to be heard. So here it is:

Part 1 227KB

Part 2 238KB

Part 3 346KB

Part 4 350KB

My favorite line from it was this: “Dismissal: why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.” I really did laugh until it hurt.

Well I got some feedback on the subject of the FDM, here’s one person that says the guy is ok. This comment was sent in by my good bud Sergei who is a good judge of character.

The new front desk manager seems to be one hell of a guy. He meets all of the requirements: He seems nice, he works hard, he is straight, and he generally has a really likable personality. He is better than any other FDM.

You have to keep in mind those of you that are employees at the hotel to keep your own opinions. I know that a few of you from the front desk check in every once in a while. So make your own decisions on people. Don’t take it for granted because you hear it from someone at work or if you read something here at my site. You have a mind of your own, so use it. Being able to think and make our own judgments is what makes us all unique people. I think it would be boring if everyone thought the same.