This was the funniest piece of spam I have ever had the privilege to delete. It’s like something out of a Saturday Night Live skit. The e-mail address of the sender was coloncleanse2abu@excite.com. Colon Cleanser would be the name of the supposed product, huh? Here is the spam in it’s entirety (and it’s long):

From: coloncleanse2abu@excite.com
Subject: Bowels, How do you Clean them?

Let me ask you this…which is worse?

A. The engine on your Lexus freezes up at 160,000 miles instead of 300,000. You take a financial hit and you are forced to buy a Camry this time.

B. You start bleeding during bowel movements. You go to the doctor and get poked, prodded, X-ray’d, biopsied, etc. 3 days later you get a call for a consultation. The doctor informs you that you have advanced colon cancer at 45 years old. You have anywhere from 6 months to 5 years left to live. He tells you it’s time to get your house in order because you’ll be checking out soon. Chemotherapy starts today.

A friend of mine who was a science and health researcher at the University of Chicago, just died this past year of colon cancer at 42. In the midst of the prime of his life, he said goodbye, and left his wife and child behind, wondering what just hit them.

Why do you brush your teeth? Are your teeth falling out right now? For most of us, we do it so we won’t need false teeth and Fixodent down the road…right? We want to be able to eat apples. Hey, I agree with that. Natural teeth are great.

But have you ever seen someone who was forced to endure a colonectomy? Someone who now will be spending the rest of their life carrying a bag around?

Incredibly, this is an area where even the staunchest MD’s AGREE with us!! Can you believe it? If they knew you had the greatest colon cleanse in the world, I bet they might even refer people to you. NO, I’m not kidding…

This subject is not even up for debate. It’s a proven fact. The problem is, most people are not doing anything about it. Please don’t be one of them.

****WARNING***** The next section of this email contains graphic material which may not be suitable for squeamish individuals.

Let’s talk stools.

The stool tells you a lot about your colon health. If it’s dark brown in color, and it sinks, and it stinks, that’s not good. And don’t feel bad, that’s the way most people are. What you want to see is light brown color, which means it’s full of fresh bile from the liver, very mild odor, and a stool that floats. We’re talking low-density here folks. The more compaction you have the darker the color and the faster it sinks. Compaction is not good. Also, moving bowels should be SIMPLE. If the veins are popping out of your neck and you feel like your doing the bench press, you NEED to cleanse your colon.

When you do the cleanse, after the first few days, you will know you are cleansing when you see the above good stuff happening, and you are eliminating at least 2-3 times per day.

Cleansing your colon is a 30-day process. Its also very economical at $51.50, for all three products. You may be very surprised at some of the benefits you will receive besides just losing 1-5 lbs of cr*p from your body and brightening your future health.

People have reported more energy, less allergies, clearing of acne, cessation of migraines, and many other results, not to mention restored regularity. When your body is void of old, poisonous toxins that are constantly being reabsorbed through the colon walls, it can begin to heal again. And when the colon walls are clean, the good nutrients from your food and supplements can be absorbed again. You will be thrilled with the results.

At this point you are either nauseated thinking about what is inside your own colon, or you’re ready to do something about cleaning it out.

Want more info? Click here and I’ll send it to you, including instructions on how to take it. And yes, I have taken it myself.

Currently available only in the U.S. and Canada. Seeking Distributors to meet high demand.

Can you believe this shit? Oops that’s a bad pun seeing what this spam is dealing with. The thing that amazes me the most is the fact that some jackass took the time and energy to write this. There has to be an easier way to make money.

Spam this asshole if your not afraid of this guy getting your e-mail address.

I have been biding my time. I have always known that one day I would be able to get revenge. I realize this is a petty way to feel. I realize that those bastards that fired me are long gone. I realize I’m a little vague here. It’s just that I talk about this at least every year. Sometimes I mention it more.

Back in the day I got fired from the hotel. I was fired because of my website. So whenever “they” talk about the hotel getting a website I always have to chuckle. Because whenever this hotel website is brought up, it’s funny how they always want me to do it.

Now I realize some of these guys running the place are not American. And to clarify I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I sometimes think that these foreigners don’t understand the way we Americans are. But when this talk about a hotel site goes on I can’t help thinking not a chance in hell. And I think this is an American response, not something they may expect. Seeing how these new owners are more than a little stingy with the raises I’m in a position to not help them.

Between my own site and the new AOD Guild site I just don’t have the time. The fact is the only way I’m doing the hotel a site is if I’m paid. I’m not talking about doing it on the clock while I do audit. I mean getting paid for helping them get a website for the hotel. Either in addition to my meager hourly audit wage or a new position were I come in and do it when it’s convenient to me. Call me silly, but I don’t see that happening.

So for now all they get is “not a chance in hell” and that is me being generous.

So this guy signs my GuestBook bitching about a post that appeared over at Sherry’s site (which I host). I would think that the two sites are different enough in look and maybe even attitude that one wouldn’t mistake mine for hers. Of course maybe Sherry can take this as a compliment or even possibly as an insult.

I have deleted this pinheads post from the GuestBook. Sherry has a link clearly labeled guestbook. So go and sign her guestbook pinhead. Another thing it’s just a fucking pepsi can. Jesus I hate people like you. A pepsi can. Anyway if you want to see what the pinhead got all flustered about go look at Sherry site. Here is a link to an article the pinhead left.

This post is regarding the Breaking Policy post from last week. It’s kind of funny how rules are made to be broken. It shouldn’t be any surprise to anybody who knows me that I disregard rules. I’m a little disappointed in some of the managers though. The restaurant manager caught me smoking and it appears she hasn’t narked me out. I even told her that when she speaks of me, she speak well.

If I was a manager I would have narked. I mean that’s what managers are supposed to do. You have to maintain that pretense of some kind of command. I have no respect for someone who doesn’t have the balls to do this. Sure it’s cool she didn’t nark on me. And I’m not looking to get written up.

It would be different if me and this restaurant manager had some kind of buddy friendship going on. But I don’t really now this chick well enough to consider her a buddy. She sure as hell doesn’t know shit about me. Maybe next time she will nark on me. That is after they read this.

Here is a memo I have personally been expecting. I expected it because I’m paranoid. Because I can add one and two together and get three. Because I have recently trained two other people to do the Audit. Ladies and gentlemen the paper trail begins! I have taken the liberty of posting it right below in it’s all caps greatness:

FRONT DESK & AUDITORS

THERE WILL BE NO SMOKING BEHIND
THE FRONT DESK OR IN THE BACK
ROOM. THIS IS THE POLICY OF THIS
HOTEL AND EVERY EMPLOYEE NEEDS
TO ABIDE BY THIS POLICY. ANYONE
FOUND SMOKING BY ANY OF THE
MANAGER’S WILL BE WRITTEN UP!!

The only part missing is the THANK YOU and the managers name. I just love the all cap memos. These are the same people who do this shit in chat and e-mails. It’s annoying. Now I don’t want anyone to get the idea I’m making fun of the memo writer. I’m not. It’s just the subject of the memo I’m making fun of.

Everyone smokes back there. I’m the only one who gives the management the respect of doing it openly. Because I give them the benefit of the doubt. I assume they are intelligent people. I figure theses people are smart enough to know that I smoke. And that I don’t have to insult their intelligence by hiding the ashtray right before they come in for work.

So at least I don’t have to worry about insulting their collective intelligence anymore. Anyone who does this based on what a guest said and then they do not ask me about it has no intelligence. Of course the memo writer could say that they are just following orders. But then that excuse didn’t work for the Nazi’s and it doesn’t work here either.

President To Author: Your Book Is Unpatriotic is the kind of news story that makes me worry. The author of the book has a website. At this website there is a page that lets you send an e-mail to the President. I find this kind of thing very disturbing. The fact that Bush would send a letter to this guy telling him more or less that in the act of expressing his freedom of speech he is being unpatriotic kind goes against these supposed freedoms.

If you are interested in this kind of stuff there is a place called Freedom News that will be right up your alley. They cover this kind of stuff every day. They also have a newsletter you can sign up for.

Changes at Ramada continue is the name of a Beloit Daily News article. The news item tells about the changes going on at the hotel. It is also worth mentioning because it has a picture of the infamous “Temporary Gm” who created and then forgot the 3 R’s, 4 F’s. The picture below should have a caption saying “and it was this big” don’t you think?

The picture doesn’t do the guy justice. Or either I just never noticed what a huge Cro-magnum forehead this guy has. I mean that in the nicest way possible.