One of the duties of a person that is a front desk clerk at the hotel I work at is balancing credit cards. Now to me that is a pretty cut and dry thing. You use the fundamental skills you learned in grade school. You know adding and subtracting? So either people there can’t add and subtract or the training at the place is fucking horrendous. Take a look below and let see if you can figure out this task that apparently is to hard for some people. Example A is the credit card receipt totals that the front desk clerk added up. Example B is the totals for the credit cards off of the computer report.

Example A
room 101 25.00
room 102 50.00
room 103 25.00
room 104 25.00
room 104 25.00
total: 150.00
over: 50.00

Example B
room 101 25.00
room 102 25.00
room 103 25.00
room 104 25.00
total: 100.00

Now the way it is supposed to work is that if the total you get from adding the credit cards receipts up don’t balance you run the report to see why the amount is out of whack. Simple right? Again it seems it’s not that simple.

So in Example A it should be clear to anyone that there is something wrong. The front desk clerk knows that the total should be 100 bucks. I know this because they wrote on the adding machine tape that they were over 50 bucks. Now in the old days a front desk clerk was trained properly this didn’t happen. But that was then and this is now.

Back then we were smart enough to print out the computer report and compare the two. You take the computer report (Example B) and your credit cards receipts (Example A) and figure out why you are over. Granted this can be a pain in the ass. When you got over a hundred credit cards to go through it is a major pain in the ass. But it’s got to be done.

So lets look at our computer report (Example B) and see why the credit cards (Example A) are off. You just go down the list. First off you can see that for whatever reason the credit card for room 102 is different on the credit card report. So you take a look and you will find that the guest was overcharged and a adjustment was made. The old credit card slip wasn’t taken out and a new one put in. That is the hard one. Now we look at the list again. Pretty simple here. For whatever reason room 104 has a duplicate receipt in the pile and no one tried to balance at all.

So by checking the computer totals to see why the credit card receipts are off you can easily balance up the credit cards. This is just one of the things that irks me to no end. Now the last front desk manager fumbled the ball here. I only hope the next one we get can start to do things right.

The below is the description of my job as dictated by people who have been here for less than a year. And if the new front desk manager had anything to do with the creation of this document I have to laugh. How can a person that didn’t even work in the hotel business when I started doing the audit create a list of the things I’m supposed to do. My comments will be below this near work of fiction.

Job Descriptions: Night Auditor
Reports to: General Manager
Required Training/Experience/Education: Computer experience is very helpful. Bookkeeping skills or training is preferable. High School diploma or equivalent. Experience with Excel, and Microsoft Word

Minimum Qualifications:

• Strong independent skills
• Able to lift about 25 lbs
• Command of the English language
• Knowledge of calculator operations
• Knowledge of copier/fax/printer

Responsibilities/Duties

• Audits shifts one and two and balances records
• Performs Bucket Check
• Posts daily room charges to folios
• Produces back up tapes for computer system
• Records Payroll
• Daily revenue reports
• Make packet properly
• Performs daily duties listed in “Audit Book”
• Counts drawer at end of shift
• Clean lobby, and desk area during shift
• Sets Wake Up calls
• Assigns rooms for Reservations for the following day
• Performs light maintenance (light bulbs, plunge toilets)
• Set up of breakfast area
• Write out Maintenance Sheets
• House keeping assignment
• Performs all other related jobs assigned
• Meet all requirements as stated in the Employee Handbook

There are a number of things here that make me realize just how bad I got to get the fuck out of this shithole.

Records Payroll, this is new to me. Of course I’ve always assumed that was the job of the hotel accountant, not the night auditor.

Clean lobby, and desk area during shift, ok sure maybe I need to keep the desk area tidy. But I’m sorry keeping the lobby clean is the job of housekeeping. I smell a lot of job cut backs. Anyone for cutting corners?

Performs light maintenance (light bulbs, plunge toilets), not a fucking chance. Night Audit people. Not night fucking maintenance guy.

Set up of breakfast area, that would be another one that just isn’t my job. Fucking hire some restaurant people. Not sure what night audit has to do with setting up of the breakfast area. Once agian a way to cut corners.

Write out Maintenance Sheets and House keeping assignment again sound like the job of someone else. It looks like a lot of things are going to change at the hotel.

Well the new front desk manager is gone. Quit from what the grapevine has told me. Over issues that more or less involved actually working. Which is silly. If your hired on to do a job, do the job. In all fairness this front desk manager was not at all qualified. The three years of experience this person had in the hotel business made me laugh and often the remark “my left nut has more hotel experience than this person” would slip out of my mouth.

Now would come the part when I add a very touching and funny anecdote about just how great this last front desk manager really was. But alas I can’t muster any kind of legitimate fake sentiment to say. The rumor of wanting and relishing the thought of firing me still leaves a foul taste in my mouth when I think of this front desk manager.

Now we sit and wait to see what new terror the management will unleash on the hotel. It’s so sad that a place that used to have nearly competent managers has fallen so far. It’s to the point now I imagine they will take anyone off the street when it comes to filling the position. More likely they will just throw the job on to some poor bastard already at the hotel and make them do the job with no raise and no title. All I can say is it won’t be me.

I’m to tired of the subject to honestly keep the drama mode going. The Ex Hotel Guy still says what he told me is true and I believe him. But again it comes down to the fact I just don’t give a fuck anymore. Fire me if you want. Jesus I think it’s even funnier just that this person is excited to shit can me. Must give this person great pleasure in the thought of firing me. I wonder if they fantasize about showing me the hatch?

I guess this all just baffles me really. I happen to think I do my job well. Granted I admit I fucking hate the job (well the people really, not the job) and the whole hospitality industry. But I can handle the guests and I don’t crack under pressure. Sure I’m not the most friendly guy (to my fellow employees) in the world. In fact I’m sure a lot of people think I’m an asshole or a sonofabitch. And maybe I am. I don’t know really.

So if I get fired what then? Well I’m sure I’ll have a nice long paid vacation like last time. I’ll probably play Dark Age of Camelot 24/7 or whatever mmorpg is out at the time if not Camelot. When unemployment runs out I’ll get a job. And I highly doubt it will be in the hotel business. I will most likely end up in the hard world of the working man. No more of this desk job for me after this I think. I have a good friend that would try to get me into his workplace.

I’ll of course miss the hotel. I’ve always had a love hate relationship with the place. It was a lot of fun to work there six or seven years ago. But that really was a different time and place. Which is one of the reasons I really don’t get all shook up by this getting fired talk. I’ve been fired by better people than this current management. I’m past my prime there anyway.

I’m actually toying with the idea of quitting on them. None of this pussy two weeks notice shit either. If I quit it will be at a time when it’s a greatest inconvenience to these people that want to fire me. I’ll come in (because calling on the phone is gay) for my normal shift and tell the person that I’m all done. And that will be it.

I have to wait to change my slogan to “the website that got a man fired twice and can do the same for you”, perhaps one of these days. So apparently the firing was bullshit concocted by a guy who had been recently fired from the hotel as well. Which to a certain degree I can understand having been fired once myself from the place.

The question is why would the dude lie to me. I did nothing to him. Everything that happened was the result of events or action on his part. And yeah I feel sorry for the guy that he got fired. But having been there myself I know that when you get fired it’s usually because you did something wrong. Maybe you run and write things in a website or you keep a journal calling your boss Hitler at the workplace, either way when it comes down to it it’s your own damn fault for getting fired.

Of course there is another possibility. That the dude wasn’t lying to me and that my boss was. I don’t know this front desk manager well enough to determine if she was telling the truth or not. Which it doesn’t matter to me. The idea of getting fired just doesn’t hold the same amount of terror it used to. Life goes on. My only gripe is that if your going to fire a guy make sure you have a valid reason for doing so. And for Christ sake tell the person that their doing something wrong. One can’t fix something if they don’t know the shit is broken.

And getting back to the possibility of the guy dicking with me. You would think that the guy would show me a little respect. I still have over 292 kb’s of very nasty material that I’m sure he wouldn’t want floating out on the net. Think before you try to fuck with someone next time man when they got shit on you.

So it appears the hotel has plans to fire me again. I’m surprised and at the same time I have been waiting for this to happen. Here is the im log from my “source” that warns me of my impending firing:

[01:38] Ex Hotel Guy: wanna hear something fucked up?
[01:38] Turk: sure
[01:39] Ex Hotel Guy: i was told by <Name Removed> that they wanted to fire you
[01:39] Turk: I’m sure they do
[01:39] Ex Hotel Guy: they are going to
[01:40] Turk: let them
[01:40] Ex Hotel Guy: you haven’t written anything on your website lately
[01:40] Turk: nothing to say
[01:41] Turk: did my boss say why they want to fire me?
[01:42] Ex Hotel Guy: no, but she was really excited about it?
[01:42] Turk: was she?
[01:43] Ex Hotel Guy: yeah she said she can’t wait to fire you
[01:43] Turk: heh
[01:43] Turk: I’m sure she can’t
[01:45] Turk: personally I’ve been waiting for this
[01:45] Turk: and have prepared
[01:45] Ex Hotel Guy: did you hear why they fired me?
[01:46] Turk: no
[01:46] Turk: don’t care either
[01:46] Turk: got my own problems to worry about man
[01:46] Turk: plan of attack and all that
[01:46] Ex Hotel Guy: what problems do have
[01:46] Turk: getting fired?
[01:47] Turk: that’s a problem
[01:47] Turk: they better have a good reason
[01:47] Ex Hotel Guy: how are they going to fire you if there is nobody to replace you?
[01:47] Turk: little different this time
[01:47] Turk: well see that’s going to be <Name Removed>s problem
[01:47] Turk: here in a few weeks
[01:48] Ex Hotel Guy: why
[01:48] Turk: it’s a surprise
[01:48] Ex Hotel Guy: damn

It seems my appointment to see the lawyer in June has come at a good time. If this is true it’s good to know in advance. I can plan ahead. I can get ready to start emailing all the press type people that like to cover this kind of story. And there are lot’s of things I can say to the press that would be interesting reading to anyone who has stayed or thinks about staying at this hotel. Practices that most people have no idea go on. Things a lot of local business would love to hear because it would convince them to take their money elsewhere.

Of course this is all hearsay. My “source” and his motives for telling me this are suspect. It’s not like me and the guy are good buddies. In fact he has no reason to warn me of anything. I’m the reason his hours got cut after all that x-mas bullshit. Which of course could be the perfect motive to tell me bad news. It don’t matter why he told me. I’ll find out tomorrow night when I ask my boss if she plans on firing me.

I hate lawyers. I believe my man Bill said it best, “First thing we do, let?s kill all the lawyers.” I have to go get deposed for my Grandma dying during a surgery. Now I’m not really wanting to go at all. And when first told that I had to call the lawyer my mom and her sister hired I put it off for months. The lawyers finally said they would subpoena me if I didn’t come talk to them.

So I called them. I was given a number of dates that I had to go talk to them. At least that’s how I understood it. They sent me a video to watch to prepare me for my questioning. I didn’t even open up the package when I got it. I chucked it on the floor and let it sit. I finally opened it up now that the dates for me to go are here. In the package was a letter that said I was to see them on the 19th.

But now I’m told that the 19th is no longer good for the lawyers. My dad took all these calls as I have a (and don’t need or want) phone at home. So my dad arranged for me to on the 26th. The day before my birthday. I’m not excited about that. If the lawyers cancel on me again they will have to subpoena me.

The video is in the garbage by the way. Thanks to the dog I don’t have a working vcr. The piss soaked one I have won’t play the video and I’m not all that disappointed by that. I don’t need a video to prepare me for talking to weaselly lawyers. I have a good bullshit detector and won’t be easily swayed by their weaselly questions.

In a way I’m looking forward to my integration. I’m always looking forward to meeting new people and pissing them off. And if I don’t walk out of the lawyer office with them thinking it was a mistake to call me, I’ll be really disappointed.