The impossible has happened. Something that never entered my head as a possibility. I’m still in a state of disbelief with a side of paranoia. It’s just all kind of funny. After years of working at the hotel they finally ask me (no applying, no resume) to be front desk manager. And I’m still in that whoa phase.

Of course in defense of my big talking in the past I would like to point out I did laugh in the temp gm’s face when he said it. It was just a very weird moment. The gm comes up to the desk and starts his usual banter and he shakes my fucking hand. Which I would like to point out I’m not a big fan of shaking hands.

After the hand shaking he asks me how things are going (And what the fuck is it with these kinds of people that always got to shake your hand? Do they get off on touching others or something?). I respond the same way I have the last few times he’s asked me this. The place is falling apart. It’s chaos here at the desk. The place needs a manager to give these desk clerks focus. What else can I say? It’s all hunky dory?

And my recollection becomes a blur. Somehow he slips in the question of me becoming front desk manager. Time slowed. I ask him are you offering me the job? I restated my lack of desire to apply for the job. No it’s yours if you want it he says. Which at this point I’m laughing again. Just how desperate have they become that they offer me the job?

In less than five minutes time money is mentioned and something about a certain number of days to get used to it or something. It all flew past me faster than I could digest the information. And I’m left with a number of questions. How much money? How many hours do I work? How long will I last before they fire me? Have they gone completely insane? Those kinds of questions.

I would like to take this time to thank the old lady in sales who has been talking me up to this gm guy. It’s nice that someone in the hotel management believes in me. But it makes me wonder if they really understand what kind of monster they would inviting into their little management circle?

I can honestly say that in my opinion the majority of managers at the hotel are a bunch of goldbricking candy asses who don’t have the slightest idea on how to manage. The majority is made up of a bunch of corporate shills that know how to do nothing other than ass kiss. Am I making my feelings clear here? I get in there I want to only do my job. I don’t want to be friends with the other managers. I don’t want to be friends with the owner. And I will not kiss any ass. I just don’t see how this could possibly end very well.

Tonight the acting general manager asked me about how things are going. And I told him how it is. I told him that the place was a mess. I then asked him just long it was going to take him to find me a boss. It’s been two weeks already I reminded him. The chain of command is broken and the front desk is slowly falling apart.

I need a boss. Funny coming from me isn’t? But the thing is, who do I complain to? Who do I report the things I see that is wrong at the hotel to? Who do I call at 7:05 am when the first shift hasn’t shown up yet? I need that front desk manager for all of these things. Because when it comes down to it I always respect the chain o’ command. And I’ll be damned if I have to go over someones head. Even when there is no head I’m going over. It just doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t have to be put in that kind of position.

I then expressed some thoughts on the current crop of possible candidates for the front desk manager gig. I hear things. I’m more informed than the hotel management can guess. I probably displayed just a little to much vehement disgust on the subject of one ex fdm that was in the contention for the job again. I made claims that I would walk out if that person got the job. I may even be prepared to follow through on that claim. And of course after I had expressed myself the gm asked me more or less why I didn’t apply for the job. My response can best be summed up with this movie quote:

After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don’t tryout.

Honestly you guys probably think I’m crazy. But it’s just really the way it is. Now while I don’t have Crash Davis’s good looks or charm, I do feel like I’m in his predicament. And that is why I told the gm I would never apply for the job. I told him he could offer me the job. Which of course went unanswered. I’ve worked at this hotel since I was a sophomore in high school. I don’t think that after all that time I feel the need to apply for something that they should have the common god damn sense to offer me.

Of course as it was pointed out in a conversation with a friend just the other day that is why I’m still a night auditor who makes less than nine dollars an hour. And I’m fine with that. I just have these crazy notions on how things should work. I fully understand that my idealistic expectations are just that.

And you know what else? Fuck them. While some of the management here at the hotel may not know me personally there are some that do. I know I have a personnel file going way back. Just by reading that these people “should” know to offer me the job. I mean for christ’s sake I’ve been fired from this shithole and then hired back by the same guy that fired me. If I didn’t know what I was doing I think I never would have made it back into the place.

No fuck them. If they did offer me the job I would (as I’ve stated before) laugh in their face and tell them no. The way things are now at the hotel I can’t imagine the money would be worth it. It would probably only be a grand or two over what I make now. And that’s just not good enough. No maybe in another time and another place I would have applied for the job. But that time and place is long gone. It’s only here and now unfortunately.

It’s funny I wasn’t going to comment on one of todays subjects just because it’s one of those things that seems like a joke by now. But the other bit of news I do want to comment on sort of ties it all together and I figured what the hell.

The Front Desk Manager is quiting. And calling him that is just me giving him the respect that these asshole at the hotel couldn’t seem to find the time to do themselves. Won’t pay the guy and won’t give him a title. But they expect him to do the work. The FDM finally had enough of that bullshit and gave them a weeks notice. And one weeks notice was him being very generous. I would have gave them the finger and walked out a long time ago.

Now while I’m sorry to see him go, I’m happy he’s not going to let the hotel fuck him in the ass anymore. And that’s really how I saw it. These assholes can’t even pay him what a front desk manager makes let alone give him a meaningless title of fdm. He made less than me for Christ’s sake. They just figured he’s young and he will take whatever bullshit that falls out of managements collective mouths as they spew their lies at him. I say good for you! You will be missed man.

The second shift front desk clerk asked/stated that I would be asked to take the job of front desk manager. I just want to make sure it’s clear to everyone reading that if these people ask me to become the front desk manager at best I’ll politely laugh in their faces. The worst case scenario is of course I’ll end up laughing so hard in their faces they all get sprayed with my spit as I do my best to keep from imploding from the laughter I will end up generating. Honestly you people don’t have enough money to get me to do that job. So don’t waste mine and your oxygen by asking. Not that they will ask.

Now that second bit of news, the one I did want to comment on. The current (now ex) GM is no more. It’s honestly getting silly now. Management here could probably be consider endangered species. I’m sorry to say that I do not have any heart felt words on the departure of this gm. Let me simply say that taking the hotels lifespan and history into consideration this GM will not be missed. You won’t even be a footnote in the hotels history book. Sorry for your trouble and better luck next time! And to this new GM all I can say is don’t use any American colloquialism if you don’t understand just how fucking stupid one can sound when they don’t use certain terms and ideas correctly.

Tonight I want to talk about phones among other things of course. Now let’s preface this shit with the notice that I freely admit I don’t like my job. Shit I hate my job. But I do try my best to do my job as good as I can. Including answering the goddamn phone. Which I hate doing. Do you realize just how many goddamn idiots there are in this world that are able to dial the hotels number? And every time one of these inbred fucking retards manages to punch in the hotels phone number (a feat pretty amazing seeing most of our clientele don’t even have opposable thumbs) I answer the phone.

So it kind of really pisses me off when you have two bartenders down in the bar with a grand total of two supposed customers and between the pair of them they either can’t figure out their phone is off the hook or they just don’t care. This is my beef. If I didn’t answer the phone for about an hours period of time I would be in big trouble man. Shit would hit the fan as they say. But these two rocket scientists down in the bar they won’t get in any trouble. Well gee Turk why is that? I know your all wondering that question right?

And I’ll answer that question in a bit. But first let’s look at these two “bartenders” a little more. The one lady used to be some kind of bar manager and she happens to be a big fan of mine. And let me say it’s always these two. They just are a pair. Any other bartender this shit don’t happen. These two fucking lolly gag all goddamn night and it really pisses me off. I’m supposed to wait for the bar before I do the audit. You know what? When it’s these two I go when I’m ready. Oops too fucking bad if it’s not even midnight yet. I’m not waiting for them. I wait for them and I’m sitting twiddling my dick until way past two in the morning. Bear in mind I’m only talking about a weekday here. It’s not even busy in the bar when this kind of shit goes on.

Now to the question of why the bartenders won’t get in trouble? It’s really simple. The bar and restaurant is run by retards. At least that’s the way it seems. They couldn’t find a competent set of managers to run that side could they?. No they hired whomever answered the ad in the paper first. And that’s what you get. You get what you pay for. It’s a sad set of affairs when the food and beverage department is the most fucked up of all the departments in a totally fucked up hotel.

And in all fairness to the two bartenders they aren’t the only f&b employees that get away with shit. For example. I work until seven in the morning. The restaurant opens at six thirty in the morning. On a good day if it’s the cook that’s been here longer than me the kitchen is at least open by this time. Now having employees to run the restaurant is another matter. One out of five days a week I may see the lady who runs the cash register in the restaurant. So the place is open, food can be cooked, usually theirs a waitress, you just can’t leave and pay.

And that’s just what the whole department is like. No one in charge over there does anything. I think they are afraid to get their hands dirty or something. I mean god forbid you do some work yourself. With the way the entire side of the hotel over there is run I’m sure the management of the f&b department is just as much unreliable as the employees below them.

And then of course you got to look at the people that the f&b managers report to. Chain of command is really the weakest link in the hotel. And all of these problems I write about can be firmly thrown on their shoulders when it comes down to just who is at fault here. Sure you can blame some peons who don’t give a shit about their job so much that they are either to stupid to realize the phone is off the hook or they just don’t care about the phone at all, or the whole management system that lead to them being hired is broken.

So once again I’m going start bitching about the hotel. I want to touch on a few things. The hotel has rules. Now rules are great. Rules keep people from doing what they are not supposed to do. Now I freely admit that I do not follow certain rules. But I take this weird attitude that if others can break the rules then so can I.

Today for example some two employees call in. They want me to tell the morning bellman to punch them in. So I told them no. But of course they call back and ask to talk to the bellman. And of course the bellman is nice guy and he does this for them.

Now last time I checked this was one of those things that was against the rules. As I said there are rules I break, but there are some I don’t break. For example I don’t say room numbers out load and I won’t give a key to anyone other than the person registered to the room (with proper id). These things are just some of those things that I consider are major no no’s. I also consider punching in for others a no can do.

And the rule book seems to back me up. Take a look at the bottom of page four:

Punching in a time card for anyone other than yourself will result in termination of employment.

But it appears as long as your a manager it’s ok to break rules. I say this only because one of these two employees was a manager and they said it was ok. Which I don’t quite see as being fair. Now I’m sure that if I was to call in one night I was supposed to work and I asked for someone to punch me in it would be wrong right? Or do I take a lesson form this manager and decide that this rule is no longer valid.

That’s how I read it of course. Because if these people are too lazy (or short of time) to come punch in themselves then it must be ok to do it. So tonight I’m going to log into World of Warcraft right after I call the hotel telling them to punch me in. I’ll putz around for about twenty minutes and then come in. I can’t get in trouble right? Because it seems to be ok when the Engineering Manager does it.

But in the end I’ll get in trouble of course. Because I’m not an ass kissing suck up. Not only will I get in trouble but the poor front desk clerk I’ll dupe into doing it will get in trouble. Doesn’t exactly seem fair does it? But that’s just the way it is here at the hotel. The rules are ignored by the management at their convenience. And fuck the little guy if they try to do it. Remember people it’s not important that you do your job well. What’s important is how well you can kiss ass. If you can do that the world is your oyster.

Tonight I want to talk about something that as I see it is not my part of my job. To me certain things just don’t fall under the job description of the night auditor. For example, tonight I come in and the front desk guy tells me he has some bad news for me. He proceeds to tell me how for reasons unknown to him the gift shop person isn’t coming in and I’m going to have to sell bus tickets.

Now I’m not certain if I’ve made my stance known on the whole bus issue. So let me make sure to explain myself. For almost seven fucking years I had to make coffee for hotel guests and these cocksuckers that ride the bus would come in and drink it all up and make a total fucking mess. The day they moved those fucks to the other side of the hotel I did a dance. I hate the bus people, the bus drivers, and every single one of these stupid assholes who calls a hotel for info on the god damn bus schedule.

I’m not selling one single ticket. I think my position is clear. And for starters no one is management has left any kind of instructions on how much to sell the tickets for. No info on what to post the ticket sales in the computer. Which is no surprise really because that’s just how fucking unorganized these management people are here. I’m supposed to develop psychic powers and via this telepathic ability read their god damn empty heads on just what I’m supposed to do.

So you can understand why I’m not selling tickets. I’m a night auditor, whom at the least is considered part of the front desk. Now no where in there should I be selling bus tickets. Not when the cluster fuck that our hotel management is doesn’t have the common decency to tell what to do. Leave me some detailed instructions. I’m anal like that. I want to know the simple details these people are to stupid to think to leave me.

And honestly even if they did leave the information I need to sell tickets I still wouldn’t. I consider those fucking savages that ride the bus my mortal enemies. Everyone of those bastards that comes I will tell them to buy the tickets from the lazy bus driver. Of course as it is I’ve yet to see a single person wanting bus tickets, so it’s really a moot point.

No I think the lazy person that’s supposedly in charge of the gift shop should come in and work. But it’s a lot easier to pawn your responsibility off on someone else. It’s just the way this place is ran. This place has gone so far past miss communication we are now at radio silence. And as Dennis Miller says of course that’s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Do you remember how I was talking about the hotel being so goddamned cheap that they stopped printing two receipts? Well heres one that totally makes no sense and mirrors the twisted “logic” these hotel management fucks employ.

No matter if a hotel employee takes in money or not one is supposed to fill out and drop a drop envelope. So while we try to save money (and trees) by printing only one copy of a guest receipt it is completely reasonable to waste paper (the poor trees!) dropping an empty envelope? Does this make sense to anyone who is not in hotel management?

Because it really makes no sense to me. Sometimes I wish I was making this all up. I’m told that this is done for accounting purposes. Which once again baffles me. For all the years that that the old account worked here at the hotel we never had to this kind of thing. I’m starting to really hate working there again. I’m not sure how much longer I can last with this kind of shit going on.