A gentleman (my code word for an asshole) comes in to the hotel at around two thirty in the morning. This gentleman has a bit of an attitude. I can tell he want things his way. It is a noble idea, I often wish things were my way. Here is sample text out of the totally make-believe Audit Manual that only resides in my head (or in the dreaming):

The Renting A Room Phase
Round One

Round one begins when the guest asks the rate and you (the night auditor) tell them what the rate is for that night. Usually there is only one round in the typical renting a room phase. Sometimes the guest will not like the rate offered. Sometimes they will ask for a discounted rate. In these cases you tell them what the discounted rate is for the given night. Generally speaking the guest will either except the rate you tell them and you check them in finishing the rent a room phase.

But sometimes the guest isn’t happy with the rate set by the owners/managers that you will quote to them. The guest acts like you personally have jacked up the rate just to piss all over them. This is not the case. You tell the guest the rate that the computer shows you. Simple as that. Contrary to some guest belief the rate is for a set period of time. This time does not start when the guest arrives at the hotel. These times are once again designated by the owner/manager types. Currently the check in time is at three pm and check out time is at twelve noon. If a guest comes in between those times the rate is still the same. On your shift of course. As a night auditor you shouldn’t worry yourself on what happens if someone comes in at eleven am that is for the people working at that time on if they should make them check out at noon still.

Round Two.

Round two begins when the guest leaves the hotel after hearing the rate from you and comes back in to the hotel a little later. Sometimes this time period can be from a few minutes to more than an hour till the guest comes back. As soon as they return round two of the renting a room phase begins.

Round two is typically initiated by the guest that is agitated easily. They are often the type that thinks everything should go there way. You do not argue with the guest in round two. You should never argue with a guest. Try always to keep a cool head when dealing with this type of guest. A smile is much more painful to this type of guest than it is being rude or acting in any manner than you would otherwise treat a nice guest.

Round two usually consists of the guest trying to negotiate a reduced rate. The only time to give this type of guest a reduced rate is when they either have one the before mentioned discounts or an owner/manager has directed you to do so before hand. You are not paid to come up with rates. Stick with what the computer tells you. There are a number of ways round two can proceed. Hopefully round two is a simple matter of the guest coming back and accepting the rate as you quoted from the computer and you check them in. Round two can be much more complicated depending on the type of guest you are dealing with. An example follows bellow:

A guest came at two thirty in the morning and asked the rate. The auditor told the guest the rate for that given night as quoted to the auditor from the computer. This guest is not happy with the rate the owner/manager has come up with and leaves the hotel. A few minutes later the same guest come back and once again inquires about the rates. Again the auditor repeats the same rates. The guest becomes irate and gets red-faced. The guest asks the auditor if the rate would still be the same if the guest had come in at four am.

The auditor points out that it is not four in the morning, that it is two thirty in the morning. The auditor furthermore tells the guest that even if the guest had indeed came in at four am that the rate would still be the same. The guest seems to get more irate because the auditor did not become rude or used any smart comments. The guest finally accepts the rate and takes a business card of the auditor’s manager.

“Is this you?” the guest asks the auditor.

The auditor responds with a smile. “No sir that is the business card of the manager that makes up the rates and the rules I follow for how to check in people.”

The guest then grumbles as he goes back out to his car to get his family. The auditor makes sure to wish the guest and his family a good night when they all come in to go to their room

Remember in cases like the above example it is important to not lose your cool. This type of guest wants you to say something rude or for you to use some kind of smart comment. It is very important to stick to the same polite manner your give every guest.

If as in the example a guest either tells you they will talk to your manager about you or they try to be sly like in the example never loose your composure. You did as you were trained. You have nothing to fear. Never apologize for following rates and procedures your owner/managers come up with. As long as you don’t partake in the mass genocide of the guest it is perfectly acceptable to stick to the “just following orders” way of thinking.

Thus ends my highly sarcastic way of telling about how a bit of my night went. Maybe later I may commit to paper some of the written descriptions of the various guest a night auditor would come in to contact with in this my make-believe Auditor Manual.