I had a rocket scientist tonight people. I swear the amount of stupid inbred retards this hotel attracts is amazing. This “guest” (and I use the word lightly) calls me up from his room. The problem being that the room smells like steak. Now at first I figured it was the guys foreign/drunken accent and I was miss hearing him. I’ve worked in the place a long long time and I’ve never ever experienced this phenomenon of rooms stinking like steak.

So once it was established that it was his room stinking of steak I immediately came to a number of conclusions. First and foremost is that this guy was looking to get a discount. Secondly that the guy was just slightly off his rocker to use stinking of steak as his excuse to get the money off his room. I’ve heard a lot of stupid excuse people would use to get money back but this clenches it as the dumbest one yet.

Now I’m the kind of person who enjoys these assholes. So I go through the proper steps to deal with this nutter. First I apologize for the stinking steak smell of his room. Now I knew the guy wanted money back. But he (they really always) couldn’t cut right to the chase. He had to embellish his story of stinking meat for much longer than needed. Next I offer him the solutions available to me at this time of night. The only one being moving from his steak stinkified room.

But of course this would solve the problem and cut against his goal of money back. So of course it’s a no can do on the move. These kinds of cheap ass guests always have a counter to the easy fix to their problem. This guy had a friend that was of course heavily medicated. So heavily medicated that a move was not possible. The guy won’t give up though. He keeps me on the phone like I’m holding back my team of top secret steak stink cleaners. I have to tell him that the only option tonight is moving. End of story.

Well of course this goes against his goal of getting money back so we come the end of our conversation on the phone. These guests next almost always make an appearance at the desk. To be able to hammer home the tragedy of their complaint. In this case I’m privileged with about twenty more minutes of this guys steak stink. Honestly it’s at this point in this game I would like to be able to tell the cheap bastard to pack it in the ass and get the fuck out of my hotel. But I can’t. I only reiterate the only solution to his steak stink room is moving and I tell him further solutions await him in the morning with the managers.

Before the guy leaves the front desk area he reaches across the counter to offer me his hand to shake. I hate when they do this. I do not want to shake a customers fucking hand. I haven’t the slightest idea where his hand has been and I would rather not touch it. Of course this is slightly rude I suppose. I always pause awkwardly for a minute before excepting the handshake. After the guest leaves I make a beeline tot he bathroom to wash my now possibly infected hand.

Now to be clear I want to mention that I don’t really give two shits whether there was a stink of steak coming from the guys room. Don’t care in the slightest bit about these peoples bullshit stories. True or not it’s always the same thing with these kinds of customers. They want money back because their fucking cheapskates. I’ve seen these kinds of people quite frequently in my time at the hotel and I can spot them from a mile away.

The last talk I had with this guy I made it clear that he was not going to get a lot of help in the morning from management seeing how he refused to move. If you refuse our help at the time of the complaint how can you expect something to be done eight hours after the fact. This of course was a outright blatant lie, a bluff if you will in my attempts to foil these kinds of people. Management would have gave this guy money back. And that goes against my purpose in life of sticking it to the guests when I can.

After about thirty minutes I got another call from my guy in the steak stinky room. He had fallen for my bluff. The guest called apologizing left and right about his mistake. The steak stink was from the room service they had ordered earlier. He blubbered a few times with apologies. He made sure to tell me not to mention this to the managers in the morning because it was all a mistake on his part. I of course accepted his apology and told him to have a good night. You see the extent these people will go to save a few bucks? It disgusts me more and more. But I’m happy that this unhappy costumer has been dealt with in the manner they deserve.