So I went to a funeral today. I saw some people that I hadn’t seen in a long time. I don’t know what to say at these kinds of things anymore. A number of people have died in the last few years and I’ve grown to adopt a rather odd outlook on death. It’s simple really. People die. There isn’t a thing you can do about it. It’s just the way it is.

You may not want to think about it. But when it comes down to it I’m going to die. Your going to die. Everyone you either like or don’t like will die. And so I just don’t get worked up about it. I won’t let myself get brought down by these things. It’s because when my grandfather died I took it hard. I was a mess. I was crying and I thought to myself why are there so many people still living that don’t deserve to be living.

Afterwords I said to myself I will never let myself get that weak. I don’t like being that weak. And you can say it’s just me trying to live up to some male John Wayne tough guy fantasy and your probably right. But it’s just the way it is. I’m not going to get all emotional anymore over these things that I have no control over. It’s going to happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

In fact the one thing going through my head is what people will say about me once I’m dead. I think about these kinds of things. I wonder what people will remember me for, if they do at all. I would love to fake my death just to be able to see what the funeral would be like. To see just what people would say. Morbid? Maybe. But this idea of a funeral test run is really something I would do if I could. And don’t even get me started on the idea of having a two drink minimum in effect at my funeral. Because I feel it should be a celebration not all this mourning. But that’s just me.