I went in to work yesterday to pick up my check and was told I had to sign a Standards Of Conduct form before I got my check. I’m always very suspicious of any actions like this by my so called superiors. Can I consider people that are stupid assholes my superiors? Anyway here are the highlights:

THESE GUIDELINES ARE PLACED IN WRITTEN FORM FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOU AND YOUR FELLOW EMPLOYEES SO THAT ALL EMPLOYEES WILL RECEIVE THE SAME FAIR TREATMENT.

A.COMMISSION OF ANY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTS MAY BE CONSIDERED JUST CAUSE FOR IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL.

12. Revealing confidential information to unauthorized persons.

B.COMMISSION OF ANY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING ACTS MAY BE CONSIDERED JUST CAUSE FOR REMEDIAL ACTION WHICH COULD RANGE FROM ORAL OR WRITTEN REPRIMAND TO SUSPENSION FROM WORK WITHOUT PAY TO DISMISSAL.

15. Parking motor vehicle in other than areas designated by management.

18. Dining or snacking at any time other than during designated breaks, meal periods, or in areas other than those designated by management.

24. Making or publishing false, viscous or malicious statements concerning an employee, supervisor, the company or its food, beverages or services within hearing distance of customers.

27. Soliciting for immoral purposes or the aiding and/or abetting of such.

Whenever a possible paper trail is started I’m always wondering if “they” are out to get me. I’m one of those that looks for conspiracy everywhere. Now I picked out the ones I figure these pinheads (hiya pinhead!) would use to fire me. Again I may be reading into this more than I need to, but better safe than sorry.

Number 12. I guess if they wanted to, my telling the internet that a hotel (which I never name nor reveal its geographic location) I work at is run by morons could just be “Revealing confidential information to unauthorized persons”. I wouldn’t want the whole internet knowing I was an incompetent boss/owner. Number 12 here is grounds for IMMEDIATE DISMISSAL, oh no. Does having these warnings in caps make them followed more?

On to the lesser offenses.

Number 15. Parking motor vehicle in other than areas designated by management. Tough shit. I park out front under the overhang. I’m the “manager on duty” at night and I say it’s ok. Or you can just come out and remove my beloved “manager on duty” status.

Number 18. Dining or snacking at any time other than during designated breaks, meal periods, or in areas other than those designated by management. This one I can use the same argument as above, I’m the “manager on duty” so tough shit. The other argument on this on is just as fun. The Illinois Department of Labor ONE DAY REST IN SEVEN ACT details how employees must be given a meal period of at least 20 minutes for every 7 1/2 continuous hours or more of work. So if they even try to enforce this I’ll file a complaint. Pretty simple.

Number 24 is the big one. “Making or publishing false, viscous or malicious statements concerning an employee, supervisor, the company or its food, beverages or services within hearing distance of customers” could be my sites motto. Oops except I don’t claim any of this shit I write is the gods honest absolute truth. This shit is my opinion. And besides not to repeat myself I never even mention the specific hotel chain, names of employees or managers, or even the location of the hotel. How can you prove I’m talking about a specific hotel. For all you know I could be talking about a hotel in your town. Has expressing your opinion become an illegal act in this country? Not the last time I checked. Freedom Of Speech. Does that ring a bell? Stupid fucking muppets from foreign countries. “Within hearing distance of customers” ok the last time I checked running this site doesn’t cause any noise at all. Lucky me.

Number 27 is worded strange enough to get a mention here. Soliciting for immoral purposes or the aiding and/or abetting of such. Soliciting is a word that has a lot of meaning. Enough to kind of be the fire you for whatever we want kind of rule. Which brings us to immoral. To me this is another one that is kind of shifty. Who’s morals are we using as a baseline to judge if I’m being immoral?

Well this has gone on long enough and I do have to do some work (work=play Dark Age of Camelot) at this job of mine. If you have a thought ot opinion hit the comment link and express yourself in the forum.

This was so funny I had to pass it on:

A plane with George Bush, Bill Clinton, Henry Kissinger, the Pope, and a very young reporter aboard was experiencing engine problems (‘W’ was piloting…go figure). Dubya orders everyone to search for parachutes, and they find 4 parachutes.

‘One of us will not make it, we have one chute too few’ Bill exclaims. So they decide that as the president and former president, that Dubya and Slick should get two of the chutes, and Henry Kissinger, the Pope, and the young reporter will draw straws for the last two.

Dubya and Slick bail out, leaving the three behind with two chutes. As the pope prepares the straws to be drawn, Henry Kissinger says “I’m sorry, but my knowledge of the world powers is too great to lose, and besides, I’M THE SMARTEST MAN IN THE WORLD!’ whereupon he grabs the last chute and jumps from the plane.

The pope says ‘I am an old man, here, take the last chute and save yourself child’. The reporter replies ‘No problem, we have two chutes left, the smartest man in the world just stole my backpack!’

All most made me cry I laughed so hard.