I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. It seems these kinds of things always get me pondering the how’s and why’s of why things happen in a certain way. Do you follow me? No? Well good. Time To Move On and My Way will shed some light on the subject.

Reading those two bits just makes me think. What it makes me think about I don’t know. I guess it comes back to the how’s and why’s. I have been hoping to hear from her. I wondered if she has been keeping tabs on the site. It makes me wonder if we really had the friendship I thought we had. Maybe Sergei was right.

Since the subject at hand is what it is I guess it wouldn’t hurt to bring up Secretive. I’ve wondered if she was Secretive since the first GuestBook entry. I’ve regretted the way I handled Secretive in the end. I’ve always been grumpy on the morning of a hangover. Secretive also is an interesting topic because this was the first time I’ve been angry with what my good friend Izer has said. I’ve never said that publicly to anyone. But I was mad that Secretive took Izers post that way. Fucking read the Secretive Archive to find out what I’m talking about.

And I’ve always said I’d never let a chick come between me and my buddies. But it’s cool. Izer was just trying to protect his big dumb friend. I bet she hates being referred to as a chick.

So I wait to see if any of my questions will be answered. Or I wonder if only more questions will be raised. I’ve never been good at acting like an adult. I guess that’s one of the reasons I get along with the kids so much.

This shit with my Grandma and the ever nearing 30th birthday are really bringing me down. Not that I show it. My dad wondered if I had turned into a cold hearted bastard. The scary thing is I wonder this also. Because even this stuff with my Grandma leaves me wondering what I really feel. All of this is a case of bad timing. Merry Christmas, by the way.